home > my stuff > quotes > 1995-1996
1. don't blast the music, the cops'll hear and they'll start shooting! [fleisch]2. coke is just so good, it's like really good, it's just sooooo good. that's why i'd never do it. [fleisch]
3. knock knock, it's the interrupting cow...moo [me]
4. so he went up the 99 flights of stairs, brought the luggage, and then he went down the 99 flights of stairs...
5. ok enough about cherries [it was a good one but it's over now]
6. I'm fine, I just need to crawl...don't you even fret...[adam the freshman]
7. dammit, I'm a duck bill, not a speculum!! [elefant]
8. Erik, do you have any comments? [silence] Erik, you just won the oscar, what are you going to do? "damn." [friedman]
9. head down, vomit good [elefant]
10. the speculum is not my friend [af]
11. my girlfriend went upstairs, you can have your precious bowling alley [wardle]
12. there you are mr. filmmaker, make a film about that!
13. hey it's that hector guy, he always buys for us...[af] wait a minute, i know him [er]
14. zach's going to wake up with a big penis on his head
15. if you have nuts on a wall are they walnuts? if you have nuts on your chest are they chestnuts? if you have nuts on your chin are they chinnuts? no, you got a dick in your mouth mouth mouth!!
16. let's play "i never"...
17. i bet celina is at the ramada...why don't you just call shannon rush?
18. hey look, domestic violence is on tv...
19. clerks [just the whole movie]
20. take that stamp away from eric [fleisch injures guest]
21. uh huh huh nutsack [fleisch]
22. buhbye! ["piece," "i'm sayin'" - now you too can talk like you're from "mon-claiuh" - just send 19.95 to p.o. box 1996, verona, nj or hicksville, ny]
23. tinkerbell...she's too small to poke [z]
24. LAPD: the bear [yonny settle down]
25. me: i got 118!!! random bowling employee: oh well you see bowling is only 2% physical but it's 98% mental, some people stand there and have this attitude and don't keep their shoulders square... me: this guy is 98% mental [rock-n-bowl '95]
26. 26 these. [or 26 these nuts in your mouth]
27. do you know what i'm saying? you're just nodding your heads because then i'll shut up [friedman]
28. ok there H92 9GK [trying to get garrett to keep his eyes on the road]
29. "she's gotta weigh...350." [garrett]
30. fleisch sings the blues: live from denny's [or goldstein]
31. Beat this: [z]
32. that reminds me of another story that's really funny but it's too long to tell so i won't tell you but... [z]
33. i was SAYIN' somethin...[adam]
34. jerry-bowling
35. [i][fucked][retarded]
36. [sit][on][my][horse][crank][beotch]
37. is that jenny mccarthy? i've seen her naked. [fleisch]
38. i wish i was a fat ------ so i could sing...[ fleisch]
39. the superbowl. 'nuff said. ['96]
40. the other superbowl. 'nuff said. [i always forget that there's still one resonating...[ fleisch]]
41. did you leave a shirt at the house? cause tin balz is wearing it. [jon lay]
42. the rock-n-bowl bud hats
43. you can't say "pussy," you're asexual [dp]
44. now repeat after me...dear lord...please god...let this movie...have boobies. [yonny]
45. fleischer knows too much, danielle's dad's gonna have him killed
46. jon lay: can i take off your coat? zach: TAKE your coat, may i TAKE your coat...
47. hi, i'm Guest, nice to meet you...
48. kappa delta pi?
49. the final cigarette...11:56 pm, sunday, february 18, 1996...[yeah right]
50. strut your butt like king tut going to pizza hut [eli]
51. eat me i'm puppy meat? [fabi reading the chuck's walls - does anyone from SU ever do that?]
52. i'm trying to get him drunk with pizza so i can screw him [adam]
53. erica go outside with springer...[why?] trust me, you need to go outside with him right now...
54. pick a hand and talk to it [or talk the finger cuz you ain't worth the hand]
55. rarrrrr...i'm a tiguh [the tiguh]
56. this is my fraternity...(points to pink floyd picture) [fleisch]
57. chuck's, chuck's, chuck's is on fire...we don't need no water get some motherfuckin' beer [the tide is high but i'm holding on...chuck's is on fire and we're going home]
58. if you spin it, they will come [twister the night away...] [fleisch's ad campaign]
59. let me tell you about my ex-wife...wait, lemme record this [the homeless painter from the barbeque (9/95)]
60. BUTT could you give me an ASSCE?
61. what are you gonna do, be sober for four years?? [chuck's bathroom patron]
62. how do you spell that, f-a-a-u-u-w? [z]
63. fie fie fie - fee foe fee fum [mike tyson's phone number] [fleischer]
**formal '96
64. [pouting] this salad is lame! [z] note: also can be found in
the following context: this party is lame [crush cup now]
65. i think i got mad cow disease from the mashed potatoes [adam] those
cows were pretty damn irate [everyone at table]
66. sorry, there's no hat under the bed, but there is a really nice painting...
67. adam is drunk by osmosis - he didn't have a drink all night but he'd
blow a .25 right now [efl]
68. listen nick, this is my room, don't worry i'll keep them under control
[random guy from texas wedding party]
69. boot hill [wardle noticing sign in perkin's] rider: yeah that's where
i was last night
70. i'm gonna go home and take a shower like it's my job [sponge!]
71. god dammit...that was a nut...i'm gonna bite you - i'm a very polite
vampire [cops video]
72. there's nothing funnier than a really loud FAT guy [fat guy in
a little coat...] see it's funny because he's so fat... [eric's observations
about chris farley's success]
73. ok...minnesota is here...iowa is here...moron is HERE...
chris farley: it's a clip on
david spade: oh heh heh are you sure?
hi, i'm earth. have we met? [i don't think so...]
74. do you tickle yourself when you shave your armpits? [nate]
75. Zach just became Vera DeMilo!! [he was talking about butt ugly chicks]
76. D and E, this is Z...You know what that spells...DEZ nuts.
77. Porsche. [sounds like Strange.]
78. "Brpt..." [as in 'on a scale of brpt to bam' - i don't know how the
fuck to spell that]
79. Pop quiz: You know you've waited too long for your pizza when...
a. the apartment no longer smells like pot
b. a pizza from sbarro's actually sounds tasty
c. the cops could deliver the fucking thing and you wouldn't have to worry
about being arrested
d. you're no longer checking for public safety before opening the door
80. i only have 30 seconds of focus time alloted for the lamp, i don't
want to use it all up right away, i need to conserve it...[ fleisch]
81. San Bernardino? Isn't that...
No, that's San Dimas that Bill and Ted are from...[dp/ fleisch]
82. what would happen if you tattooed the crash test dummy symbol on the
side of your kid's head and named him crash? you'd have to keep him away
from those test sites huh...
83. Wehhhhhhs-ley Willis, WEHHHHHsley WIIIIIILLis...you are my friend
in the mix, you are the best man of it all, you really know how to whip
the horse's ass with your singing...rock over london, rock on chicago,
budweiser, it's the king of beers.
The maniac, the maniac, you are a good person, you do hugs not drugs,
i gave you a dollar and you called me a fine sista, you are always outside
of chucks...the maniac, the maniac...rock over london, rock on chicago,
pepsi, uh-huh.
84. we're communicating through our urine [random guys peeing on cosmo's]
85. hey...maccaroni [to the tune of macarena]
86. "ahyah?" [z]
87. you need to chill out smoked bitch! [fleisch]
88. new from ocean spray...burp in a bottle [fleisch]
89. let's play spin the dildo, and, like, whoever it lands on has to get
naked [z]
90. oh, the qwes-a-dill-ias [tiffany, the denny's waitress]
91. FINAL FOUR BABBBBBEEEEEEE!!!!! [mardis gras comes to marshall street]
92. when the 'cuse is in the house, oh my god
93. i'll take things i didn't need to know for 100 alex
94. WHO WILL RULE THE NEW URTH?
95. the nut is about to bust
96. cappu-friggin-chino [how about a nice tossed salad with that...]
97. cipollitis
98. danielle: i feel like the million dollar man
fleischer: yeah well you look like the million dollar smoker
99. Zach is tooting!
100. ...eer...[take another hit]
101. zach: when it's not wite, it's wong, what is that?
danielle: a speech impediment?
102. camp songs with eric - ooh, that's bad.
103. why are you doing that rain man shit, are you dovening? [z to adam
when he wouldn't stop rocking]
104. [some people call me the space cowboy...] so what?...and so did the
fat lady
105. you know what, adam? welcome to the hotel california...
106. period. motherFUCKer.